Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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