The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize