I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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