You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
