You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
