I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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