five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
