census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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