White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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