We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
