I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
