and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
