last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
