Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
