he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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