i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
