he shaved USA in his pubs
even my farts smell like vagina
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
