Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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