I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
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