Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
