The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
