I hate your face
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
