Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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