I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I wear drunk well.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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