I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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