Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
