because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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