Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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