Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
