My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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