This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
They are going to name an STD after you.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
