he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
