Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
