Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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