So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
