I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
