well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
