Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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