He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
