i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
