I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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