Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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