margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
