i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
