it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
