well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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