i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I need moral support for this bender
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
