the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
