fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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