And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
