oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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