3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
