I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
