i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
