Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
