I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
