what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I need moral support for this bender
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
