he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
