What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
