I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Come see our sink grown plant.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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