i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize