Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
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