I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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