my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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