haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
